The day I was let go from my job unexpectedly, I was relieved.  Yes I was scared but I had thankfully already started on a plan for me.  I experienced the realization five months prior to that day I was called into HR just before the end of the work day to hear those dreaded words…”I am afraid we …..”.  I realized that I was working at a job that did nothing for me as a human being.  To make the days more interesting, I found myself talking to co-workers and friends about their goals and how to achieve them.  One day, a gal at work told me how grateful she was for my help and motivation.  I told her that she was the one that did all the work, I just kept her focused and on track.  It was then that the magic words came out of her mouth that changed my life.  “You should be a coach, a life coach” she said. 

 

I had spent years trying to figure out my niche in life.  Finally, there it was in front of me and I wasted no time.  I researched and found a professional life coach certification program and signed up. Going to school and working full time was time consuming but not hard.  I found it amazing how much energy I had.  Usually after a days work I would feel spent.  Suddenly I would come home, get on my tele-classes, do my reflective work and then get up at 6AM to take another class before going to work at 8AM.  Where did I get all this drive?  I suddenly found what it feels like to love what you do and to live your passion.

 

When I heard those dreaded words “…we have to let you go”, suddenly it was as if someone turned the sound off and I was just watching the HR directors lips move.  I went into my own little world.  “I can go to school full time now…I can get my certification and start my own business. I can do this!”

 

I called my life coach and told her what happened.  If I hadn’t had a coach myself I would have probably crumbled around the edges.  Right then we started to develop a plan.  Over our sessions we created specific steps.  The hard part was done because I knew what I wanted to do.  I had discovered my passion.  Working with my coach kept me on track and focused.  She helped me not only create an action plan, she helped me to also see the value and importance of life balance along my path. 

 

Over the following months I finished 130 hours of course work, wrote term papers and articles required for graduation, coached over 60 hours, built a website and learned more about myself than I could have ever imagined.

 

I now have my own business, Road to Success Coaching.  I work with individual clients one on one over the phone.  I help facilitate their thinking, create clarity and find their own answers.  I help people through a process of self-discovery, career exploration, strategy and action. 

 

Most of my life I have gotten up in the morning to work on my goals.  I don’t do that any more.  My goals now get me up in the morning and the difference is so vibrant, motivating and productive that it hardly feels like work.

 

I never had children…at least not human ones.  My pets are my kids and one recently died.  I am sadder than I even know.  Funny how the emotions show up when you least expect them to.

 

Marilyn was a beautiful American Eskimo and yes, I named her after Marilyn Monroe for obvious reasons.  She was so pleasing to the eye and even more so to my heart.  I rescued her 14 years ago.  I was married at the time and she rounded out our family…man, woman, cat & dog.  Perfect.  When I was divorced, I got custody thank God.  That was nine years ago and Marilyn has taken care of me ever since.  She gave me purpose lost by a marriage ending.  I had a reason to come home gleefully every night so she could greet me.  I got to walk her 4 times a day.  The neighbors must wonder where we have been.  I wish someone would come and ask me.  I want to talk about her.

 

I stop and tell people when I see them.  Now I am letting the universe know that she has left the neighborhood. 

 

I think she let me go.  I think she knew I would be okay on my own now.  I recently found purpose in my life, something I have searched for all my life.  She must have known that although I will miss her madly that I have a reason to get up in the morning now other than to walk her.

 

This is Thanksgiving Day weekend.  Marilyn died 2 weeks ago.  Her absence has really hit me these past 4 days at home.  It’s weird.  I realize I need to get out more.  I got a few long runs in.  My loving cat Sally has comforted me greatly and she started eating more.  I think she knew Marilyn was sick.  And let’s face it; she loves all the attention she is getting.

 

Grief is so intangible.  It can’t be explained, only felt and dealt with individually and personally.  I am thankful to have had her in my life.  I am glad I have had these few days to feel my loss.  After all, she was my little girl. 

 

 

 

In loving memory.

 

It was only a tune.  We fell in love with the melody.  Yes, the words were “cool”.  They somehow fit into our lives.  So we remembered them, the moment, the boyfriend or girlfriend of the time.  And then one day, ages later, the same song plays.  Suddenly….we “get it”.  They weren’t simply words, lyrics to bring the song to the top of Billboard Magazine…they were the guts of the artist.  They were the heart of the matter.  They were the essence of truth brought to the ears of millions through the art of music.  Music that makes us smile and laugh and cry and remember to glow and grow and exist in spite of it all.

When we “get it”, when a songs lyrics finally – eventually hit our tone deaf brains, that is when we trully get in touch with who we are and why we loved the song in the first place.  Some songs take decades to travel to the gut of why we exist on this earth.  But who cares.  It feels great when we “get it” in a way that fills our soul.

I’ve been busy, way to busy to open up to a relationship so I invented you.  I think you are my gateway to the real thing however.  I feel myself being open now to having a good man in my life.  As I see it, as I write this, I have grown to an understanding of who I truly am and am now able to offer myself as an authentic gift.  I see myself as that.  Is that egotistical to you?  If so, delete, delete, delete.  I am not for you.  My ego does not exist here.  My true self does.

 

Today was my day to do with as I saw fit.  I got up early (5:45 am) and let the cat and dog out.  I fed them and went back to bed.  My head, as it reconnected with my pillow, gently filled with ideas of how I wanted to spend my day today.  Shortly thereafter I got out of bed, made coffee and sipped it as I read the paper.  I love doing that on Sunday mornings.

 

After breakfast I went to my desk, cleared it a bit and made my list of what I wanted to do.  I watched the Today Show on NBC this morning and a man from workplace911 talked about making a list of you want to accomplish before turning on your computer at the start of the day.  He made a good point.  Before the distractions begin, make a plan of What Matters Most!  What a concept.  And it worked.

 

I completed a few research projects, did some writing, paid my bills and wrote emails.  I made time to talk to family and friends on the phone.  I took a long walk with my dog and talked with neighbors.  I cooked myself a delicious dinner of chicken piccata and watched 60 Minutes on CBS.

 

I have had so many great ideas today for my business.  I wish you were real.  I would have sat on the couch with you and discussed possibilities.  I would have appreciated your feedback.  And I would have so enjoyed your smile as you took the first bite of dinner.  It turned out really well.

 

I would like to “shut down” with you now.  Forget the details of the day and just relax with a cozy setting to watch a movie together or just read in each others company.

 

Ahh, life is good.

 

 

How do you move from a full time business building effort to include working an unrelated 30 hour a week job to help with the transition and maintain momentum?  I got behind the wheel of this project yesterday and I’m shifting gears.

Okay, it’s “buck up” time.  I actually sat down this past weekend stressed by the idea of starting this paycheck gig and did a pro and con list.  Guess what?…the pro column won so I must be doing the right thing.  That or it just looks good on paper.

Yesterday was my first day and it was actually good.  I anticipated it would be.  I am working for an eye doctor who is someone I have worked for before.  He hired me to be his “fashionista”  This one word description of the job along with knowing what a great man he is to work with was the selling point for me.  I love fashion and now I am going to learn how to fit people for eyeglasses that accentuate their features and personalities.  I can do this.  Putting all the technology to the side for a moment to avoid getting overwhelmed I have formulated my overall vision.  Let’s make this fun.  I had LASIK years ago and no longer need glasses.  I wore them for 30 years so I know what it is like to be married to spectacles.  My plan is to wear a pair of clear lens frames from my gallery while at work to match my outfit and glam up when I get the spirit.  One day I can be a “sophisticated lady”, another day a “sporty chick”.  Why not have some fun.  As I get to know my inventory I can guide people to take a stretch and view themselves outside the box and enhance their look.  As I connect with these patients I will also let them know what my full time job is.  They are all potential coaching clients so what a great way to network toward what I truly love to do. 

Coaching is not “work” for me.  It is an extension of who I am.  This new job can be be a part of that.  I will embrace learning how to fit people to project their personalities on the outside with their “new look”.  Then during my coaching hours I will continue to help my clients look within and see their empowering truth.

Life is a balancing act isn’t it!  Yes, I can do this.  Coach fashionista remains focused as I continue to build my Life Coach practice with heart.   In the meantime I can see clearly down this wider road and believe me, I’m not wearing cheap sunglasses.

Many people when I tell them of my path to becoming a Certified Life Coach ask where I am going to get my clients from.  I find myself giving two immediate answers to that.  “I have no idea” is the first and the second is “Build it and They Will Come”.  Both responses come from my heart.  I feel them as truths.

Coaching is all about “truth” and in the coaching process, without it the client can’t move forward, trust is eroded and the client is not being honored.  So I am honoring myself with these answers.  I can’t explain why but I am comfortable with them.  Probably because I am also learning to live in the “now” rather than in the future.  I am for a change enjoying my journey.  I find myself embracing every morsel of my learning and celebrating the joy I am getting from how great I feel as a result of being surrounding by such empowering teachers and peers.  Every bit of my learning is helping me to know who I am.  I am experiencing clarity within my being and in life.  And with knowing who I am I am confident I will be a great coach.

That being said, my awareness is also peeked.  Thankfully I will eventually engage in the Business Building modules of ICA  (my school).  I have registered some domain names for a future website and I am attending a workshop in May which will expose me to coaching opportunites and possibly help me define a niche or two.  So it’s not all hocus pocus.  I’m not a fool.  But I ain’t scared!  And that in itself for me is HUGH.

Because I feel that I have sabotaged myself in the past, I worked with my coach tonight on figuring out what my UAC’s (underlying automatic commitments) are pertaining to my work.  I admitted that I tend to take on challenges that are bigger than life because I love a good challenge.  It brings out the best in me.  And sometimes I take on jobs that I don’t have experience in only to end up pointing the finger at someone else when things break down.  And because I have done that I sometimes get scared that I won’t prevail in my quest to be a successful coach. 

I think I worked through that tonight.  The difference is that honestly I feel comfortable with the idea of being a successful coach.  I feel I have finally found a field  that is not only challenging, it is a great learning experience for me, and I don’t feel it is a “stretch”.  I am not trying to be something I am not.  I really want to do good things for others and in turn feel that I have made a contribution to the world.  To do my little part to make this a better place for me and the people I coach.

My coach asked me how I defined success.  My answer was ” to do something well for a long time” and that because I have had many different jobs and career focuses I wasn’t sure I had ever demonstrated success.  So I was asked to list some things I had done successfully over time.  Well guess what?  I came up with a nice little list.

• I’ve run 2 marathons in the past 2 1/2 years.
• I have been a good mother to my animals over the past 28 years.
• I quit smoking 5 years ago.
• I pay my bills, always have and am not in debt.
• I’ve worked since my 16th birthday with little down time.
• I am a survivor.

I think we all get caught up from time to time with comparing ourselves to others.   I did that when I was unemployed and feeling low.  Easy to do at times like that.  But to me success isn’t monetary or society based (although I like money and being well thought of by my peers).  Keeping myself in a safe and healthy environment is important to me.  Being kind and grateful fulfills me.  Feeling responsible for my actions and their effect on others is something that keeps me accountable and honest.  And being honest and demonstrating trust to others and to myself keeps me humble.  I think all that is what success really means to me.

Today was Effective Feedback day.  So what is feedback?  It is non-judgemental, constructive and a way of seeing something from another perspective.  It is neutral rather than positive or negative.  Feedback is given in view of the other person’s values and goal whereas opinions are given in view of your own goals.  Therefore in order to be a coach you have to know where the client is coming from in terms of their values and goals.  Otherwise one would become emotionally involved.  That is why friends seem to share so many opinions with each other and spouses too, because they are so emotionally involved.  But if you think about it and ask yourself if what the peron you care about is asking is opinion or feedback, we probably wouldn’t upset people with our verbal thoughts when we didn’t mean to in the first place.

Coaching is clarity and feedback is a state of what “is”.  Vital points to remember about effective feedback:

• Know the person’s values and goals. 
• Ask permission to give feedback so you know what you have to say is welcomed (“May I give you some feedback”). 
• It must be timely so they hear what you’re saying.  
• It must be neutral or you run the risk of giving opinion. 
• It must be objective because it is all about the client.
• It MUST BE TRUTHFUL.  We must create an invironment of safety.  Being truthful is a pillar of coaching.

I don’t think this is easy stuff.  It is hard for me to not present my own values and goals into context when speaking with others.  After all, that is what I draw from, my experiences in life.  So this is going to be tricky.  Bring on the challenge.

I went to a movie tonight with my running buddy.  We went to see The Spirit of the Marathon.  It was great as we are both marathon runners and ate it up.  Of course on the way home she asked if I had given any thought to doing another one in 2008 .  My reply was that I didn’t think I would have the time to train this year.  The reason I said that was that with a new full time job and taking classes 3-4 hours a week plus studying and coaching and being coached, my plate is rather full.  Her immediate reply was “sure you have time, you can do it…blah blah blah”.   Then she stopped and said “oh I forgot about your classes, yeah that might be a challenge time wise”.  Her first response was opinion.  Her second was feedback.  Ahh ha!  After dropping her off and while driving home alone I started thinking about how irrated I get sometimes when I make a comment that has conviction because it is based on my values and my goals and the other person pays no attention to that and starts throwing their values at me while stepping all over and throwing pot shots at whatever it was I just said.  There is a lesson here.  It is time to start listening to both myself and others differently.  And that, my friends, is “effective listening” which I will get into another time.  Meanwhile I will remain mindful and grateful when I am able to see the difference between feedback and opinion before either come out of my mouth.

Please welcome me to the world of blogging.  This is my first post and I am excited to share my life coaching growth with the world to help empower me and others that also seek their greatness within.