Feedback vs. Opinion

Today was Effective Feedback day.  So what is feedback?  It is non-judgemental, constructive and a way of seeing something from another perspective.  It is neutral rather than positive or negative.  Feedback is given in view of the other person’s values and goal whereas opinions are given in view of your own goals.  Therefore in order to be a coach you have to know where the client is coming from in terms of their values and goals.  Otherwise one would become emotionally involved.  That is why friends seem to share so many opinions with each other and spouses too, because they are so emotionally involved.  But if you think about it and ask yourself if what the peron you care about is asking is opinion or feedback, we probably wouldn’t upset people with our verbal thoughts when we didn’t mean to in the first place.

Coaching is clarity and feedback is a state of what “is”.  Vital points to remember about effective feedback:

• Know the person’s values and goals. 
• Ask permission to give feedback so you know what you have to say is welcomed (“May I give you some feedback”). 
• It must be timely so they hear what you’re saying.  
• It must be neutral or you run the risk of giving opinion. 
• It must be objective because it is all about the client.
• It MUST BE TRUTHFUL.  We must create an invironment of safety.  Being truthful is a pillar of coaching.

I don’t think this is easy stuff.  It is hard for me to not present my own values and goals into context when speaking with others.  After all, that is what I draw from, my experiences in life.  So this is going to be tricky.  Bring on the challenge.

I went to a movie tonight with my running buddy.  We went to see The Spirit of the Marathon.  It was great as we are both marathon runners and ate it up.  Of course on the way home she asked if I had given any thought to doing another one in 2008 .  My reply was that I didn’t think I would have the time to train this year.  The reason I said that was that with a new full time job and taking classes 3-4 hours a week plus studying and coaching and being coached, my plate is rather full.  Her immediate reply was “sure you have time, you can do it…blah blah blah”.   Then she stopped and said “oh I forgot about your classes, yeah that might be a challenge time wise”.  Her first response was opinion.  Her second was feedback.  Ahh ha!  After dropping her off and while driving home alone I started thinking about how irrated I get sometimes when I make a comment that has conviction because it is based on my values and my goals and the other person pays no attention to that and starts throwing their values at me while stepping all over and throwing pot shots at whatever it was I just said.  There is a lesson here.  It is time to start listening to both myself and others differently.  And that, my friends, is “effective listening” which I will get into another time.  Meanwhile I will remain mindful and grateful when I am able to see the difference between feedback and opinion before either come out of my mouth.